Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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