It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize