I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
