question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
