Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
