Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
