Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I am spending my child support on dildos
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
