I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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