In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
