It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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