She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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