yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
