I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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