I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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