Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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