I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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