I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm getting married
To pizza
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
