Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
