um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
