I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize