My room smells like vodka and shame
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
