Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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