shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
