Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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