its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
