I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
