My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have fence marks all over my body
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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