well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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