i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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