Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
