Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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