K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
