she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
