there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
