I've blown a few things in my day
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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