Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
