Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
