Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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