I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm having to shit out rocks
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
