please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
