Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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