i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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