I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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