At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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