so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
