I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
