It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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