There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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