I hope mine doesn't look like that
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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