are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
