i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
