Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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