hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize