Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
