I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
