we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
