great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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