What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
