Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
