I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
