I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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