Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
