please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
