"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
