OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He did a backflip because drugs
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
