I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
