i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
