"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
