So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
