i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
