He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
