Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
