Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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