I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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